Monday, June 28, 2010

Haven't posted in awhile :/



I haven't posted in awhile, so I gave my blog a make over and decided to upload some pictures that I took today (and Picniked ;) )

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I could bleed for a smile/ Could die for a gun

It seems like all Blake and I have done this week is fight. We've been fighting more this week than our whole relationship combined. He hates everything I love and he just keeps running me down for liking them. I'm sorry but I'm a girl, i can't help but to adore Pride and Prejudice. I can't help but to enjoy the Twilight series. Anything with the slightest hint of romance and I go weak in the knees. So sue me, I have estrogen in my body, lots of it. I get so sick of it! There's alot of things that he loves and I hate, but I don't say anything. Then, I absolutely love history, and my current teacher is my idol. I wanna be a teacher just like him, so naturally I kinda talk about him alot, but I don't have much else to talk about that interests me because I never do anything. But one of my friend's told me I'm obessed with him, but she laughed and I think she was half joking, and then today Blake told me that I'm obessed with my history teacher, telling me that I talk about my teacher more than I talk about him. Apparently it's a crime for me to like something, everything I like people always tell me I'm obessed. "Jessy you're obessed with your weight" (i was told by my best friend when I decided to start trying to be healthier and monitor my weight "Jessy you're obessed with Kasey Kahne" (when I USED to watch NASCAR and got Kasey Kahne stuff) "Jessy you're obessed with Twilight" (when I read the books and liked them) "Jessy you're obessed with Being Erica" (when I watched the show and loved it) "Jessy you're obessed with -----" (when I began to admire my teacher, and wanted to be just like him)

So I guess it's a damn crime to like something for me. Screw everyone.
(as you can tell I'm not exactly in the mood to write part 3 of how me and Blake got together...i'll get it up eventually)

Sunday, May 16, 2010

My Real Life Teenage Love Story Part 2(Sophomore Year)

The new year started, and by now I was becoming comfortable with being in public school. There was no guy I was interested, a few caught my eye but nothing serious. Blake dated a couple girls, all 2 years younger than us and I couldn't understand why. He began texting me again like normal, we were just friends and he would tell me when he was going out on dates. He had no idea that I had never been on a date with anyone in my entire life, I wasn't even sure if he knew that my previous boyfriend had been my first and only boyfriend ever. Somehow I managed watching him date these other girls, telling myself I didn't like him that way and we were just friends. I mean the other girls didn't go to our school, to me they were out of sight and out of mind, it was finally just me and my best friend again. Until it happened. He started dating a girl one year ahead of us, and I had to watch as he walked with her down the hallway instead of me, but the worst art I didn't even think of until I saw it. He walked her to class...and kissed her right in front of me. I could have died of jealousy right then and there. By now I knew I had some feelings for him, but something was holding me back, I knew I wasn't ready. I was throughly depressed after that, but I survived. Then they broke up, and being the good friend I am, I encouraged him to try again with her because I knew they were good together. So he did, but it didn't last long and finally they were over. It was just me and Blake again.Until...

Blake was absent from school one day. There had been this guy (once again he doesn't need to be named) that I had formed a crush on, and I had suspicions that he liked me too. Well after lunch each day my friends and I would gather in this one corner of the Commons Area and talk, play around, hang out etc. I was just standing there and out of no where my crush walked up to me, and at that exact moment someone bumped him and he fell into me. His lips touching mine for a split second. Strange as it was, my first kiss.Sort of, I'm still not sure if I count it or not. I told all of my friends not to tell Blake, but sure enough the next day once he was back, one of them slipped up at lunch. I don't remember exactly how it was said , but at the table someone made a comment about "Yeah like with happened with Jessy and ---- yesterday", then I had to explain. Blake couldn't understand why I hadn't told him. I wanted to protect him from the same hurt that he had unknowingly inflicted on me by all his girlfriends.

Within 2 weeks time, my crush and I had been talking alot more. After school one day. Blake and I had a student club meeting, and afterwards my crush had been hanging out around school too. It was the 3 of us walking around school talking,and it happened. Blake walked down the hallway to get his bag, and my crush asked me out. He held my hand walking down the hallway and told Blake. I was so happy, and so mortified. I knew Blake liked me, and now he had to confront me and my boyfriend face to face, happy with another guy that wasn't him. I felt aweful for him, but at the same time I felt like it was payback. The next day, my new boyfriend and I were the cutest happy couple, although in the hallway I saw him once and he ignored me, I thought it was strange. But after lunch in the commons area, he was always hugging me, and holding my hand. To my despair, Blake hung out with a different group far away from me. I knew he must have been upset, but I missed him, and it seemed like all I could talk abotu was him. Even to my boyfriend. Blake was my closest friend and I didn't have anything else to talk about so he was always my main topic.

The next day I stayed home sick from school, it was October 30th. I don't remember if Greg (my boyfriend, I've decided it's too hard to write this without his name) had called me, I don't think he did. The next morning I got to school at 7am, it was still dark out and the sun was slowly rising. He was standing outside waiting for me. I walked up to him and he said we needed to talk. He explained to me how his ex-girlfriend had called him the night before and wanted to work things out. She wanted to meet him at the high school football game that night, our school was playing her school and she was on the dance team. He broke up with me, and I told him it was fine because we had only dated for 3 days and they had dated for 9 months. (which seemed to be a long time then, but pathetic compared to my current relationship of nearly 16 months with Blake) It was the morning of my favorite holiday, October 31st, Halloween. Luckily my friend Lauren arrived and I immediately used her as an excuse to leave before the tears welled up in my eyes. I felt pathetic. I had only ever had 2 relationships and both lasted less than half a month. Later on Blake told me that supposedly Greg had been talking to and kissed Blake's ex-girlfriend on the bus on the way home from school.That night I sat at home alone (with my mom but might as well have been alone) while everyone was out enjoying the holiday of the night. I watched "scary" movies on Disney channel, and texted Blake who was out trick or treating with his nephews and hating every minute of it. Or at least he said so to make me feel better. But nevertheless, time moved on and so did I. Or so I thought.

In the week or so after our break up, I found myself staying afterschool again with some friends including Blake. Bu they all left, and incidentally Greg stayed after school to. He stopped me in the hallway (where I was about to leave since all my friends had) and told me he was sorry for how things wen with us, and told me he regretted it, and he felt like he messed up something good because he thought we were great together. I told him not to worry about it, and told him we could still be friends. He told me that we could, but kept bringing up the issue of "us". We walked towards the front school doors (the school is virtually empty since it's long after regular hours) and I looked up at him to tell him goodbye, and he did it. He kissed me, long and deep, and actually went in straight for a french kiss, which I thought was nasty (now I don't but looking back he was bad at it, so that's why it was bad). I don't remember what we said afterwards but it had happened. I kissed a guy who had so unexpectedly broken up with me. It was my first real kiss, but not the way I had ever imagined.

A week or so after, in late November, I found myself staying after school for another club meeting with Blake. Instead, we didn't have a meeting we had to help unload boxes of fruit for the chorus fundraiser, and Greg was staying after in chorus. Blake helped unload and there was nothing for me to do. It was raining and someone had handed me and umbrella even though I was under an overhang. Suddenly Greg came over, picked me up and kissed me. I was happy for some reason, but hoped Blake didn't notice. Then after that I found myself in the commons area with a friend of mine, and I kept repeatedly kissing him. Looking back I could have just beat the crap out of myself, but at the time I didn't care. My friend left, and Greg was about to, he walked to the door, turned around then came back and kissed me. Then left. I didn't know what was wrong with me. How could the one girl thats always safeguarded herself so well, have done something so stupid? After that everything with Greg and myself was over, we became totally estranged to each other. I was heartbroken but once again in a week or 2 I was over it. And then came late December where my attentions finally turned where they were always meant to be...


Me, close to the time all this happened.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

My Real Life Teenage Love Story Part 1 (Freshman Year)

So, although this is only my second post I feel that I should give more background on myself, beginning with how I met the love of my life, why on Earth would I want to begin my story with the beginning of my life? Anyway here it goes for anyone that's not too busy to read:

Freshman year in high school, every un-popular kid's worst nightmare. Especially for me because it was only my second year in public school, and my first year had gone just...horribly...I still remember what I wore (even though it was only 3 years ago). I wore a blue and white button up blouse white a white tank top underneath, blue jeans, and black tennis shoes (i hate those shoes now, I don't know what I was thinking). Needless to say I didn't quite fit in with the Aeropostale or Hollister kids, and especially not the Hot Topic advocates, but so I marched my way into the Freshman Campus at my high school. First period: Physical Education (terrible, with next to no friends), then came Second period, Honors Literature. I quietly picked a seat at the back of the room and watched as many students I has never seen before took a seat. This was the only high school in the county with two middle schools so there was an entire grade level of students from the other middle school that I didn't go to that I had never met. Suddenly, and unexpectedly, a very tall, dark, gothic looking guy walked into the room, looking...well... scary to me.He took a seat in the row next to me, one seat back. I couldn't help but to try to take glances at him from the corner of my eye, and I still remember my very first thoughts of him, "Oh my gosh it's a real emo kid!". I had never actually seen a, what we now call "EMO" person before, and he honestly scared me. As the teacher called the roll I patiently waited to hear him respond to his name, then it came "Blake", his name was Blake. For the rest of the class period, I paid close attention (as was expected from a straight A, "lives for her grades" student) to the teacher but couldn't get him out of my mind....



Third Period: World History, surprisingly he was in my next period call also, and was seated close to me again, and my friend Brittany. Brittany was a talker, she could talk to anyone nice enough and she did. Over time she started to talk to the guy in front of Blake, named Zach, and eventually Blake got into the conversation too. The day went on and Blake slowly left my mind,until 5th period. Physical Science, he was in yet another one of my classes. As time went on we began to talk, as friends, and it became a ritual for us everyday to do a few quirky things.

Number 1: In 2nd period he would walk in and he would throw his binder at me, so I'd get mad at him, and then he'd poke my side so I'd pull my arm back as a reaction to it and hit my elbow on the desk.
Number 2: We would go to 3rd period and I would write "I love Crystal W." on his hand because that was his girlfriend's name (years later I would come to have a hate and jealousy for her I've never known).
Number 3: By 5th period, he had just had P.E and walked in sweaty and found it amusing to run up to me and hug me while him being soaked in sweat. I being completely helpless consideing I was at the time 5 foot tall weighing around 90 pounds, Blake being 6 foot 1 inch and probably around 180-190 pounds.

Then in mid-February, he stopped coming to school,day after day for a couple weeks, I waited for him to come back. I didn't know what happened, I was lonely. I missed him, and everyone could see it. Finally I heard why he had been gone. His dad had suddenly died.He was devastated.But still time went on...

Although we had our less than normal friend routine, he was with another girl and I had a crush on a guy who was totally the opposite of Blake. The other guy, who is not worth mentioning his name, dated me for 2 weeks 1 day and broke up with me through text message. He only called me twice during the short period we dated, never acted like a boyfriend, never held my hand or anything and it was over. My first boyfriend. In the week before I dated him, I had found out through a friend of mine that Blake had a crush on me (by now him and his girlfriend had broken up), but unfortunately I didn't return the feeling at the time because I was further occupied.



Over the weeks that followed my short little break up, Blake and I became much closer. He was there for me and we texted all day everyday, he was my best friend.

Then came Spring Break, and I went to Florida to visit my dad. On my first night down there, Blake tried to tell me he liked me, and he basically did, but I told him I wasn't ready to date him yet. I always always knew that if we ever dated, we would never break up and he would me my one and only forever. He treated me perfectly and he was wonderful to be around. All of my first impressions of him were wrong. He wasn't emo, he just wasn't a very outgoing person, and either was I. He wasn't scary, he was silly and funny. He was just loving.

To my surprise, when we got back some time after Spring Break, he started to abandon me in 3rd period (where we had a substitute for the rest of the year because our teacher was having twins) in order to talk to this little preppy girl, totally opposite of him. Between Blake and this other guy, she had their total attention, flirting both ways, and they both were in total awe of her. Thin as humanly possible, a pretty face and not much else. (Brains definately weren't in the mix) I sat practically alone except for a couple faithful friends, nearly in tears everyday that some less than worthy girl had stolen my best friend from me. (and secretly underneath, I didn't even realize, she had stolen my love from me) I hated her, and I was so upset with him. His text messages came less and less and I never felt so alone. I got a text from him once, I picture of them both after a date. I commented with an "Awh how cute!", and placed the phone down in disgust and jealousy. And then sat on my bed, nearly in tears.

We talked occasionally, not too much, but not like it was before. And so the summer began and dragged on, and after 3 months she broke up with him. Then began our sophomore year...

May 15, 2010

Hello,

My name is Jessy and I'm a 17 year old high school student. I'm starting this blog for reasons unknown to me, or maybe it's just so that for once I can be totally honest with someone besides myself. I live in a less than appealing homestead on 10 acres of land with my mom and grandmother (whom I'm sure will come into play on a regular basis in this blog) and also with our 30 dogs, 20 cats, and 1 rabbit. Crazy? Yes it is, my mother has a heart for animals and not much else including me. Difficult? You could only imagine. Luckily, I have an amazing fiance named Blake whom loves me unconditionally and I love him the same. So I bet you're wondering why on Earth you're reading this, meanwhile I'm wondering why on Earth am I writing it. I guess my blog will be just one of those things with no significant purpose, but maybe in the end it will have found one.

So as far as today goes all I've done is CLEAN! I am intent on buying Blake his engagement ring (which neither of our parents know we are engaged, they think he bought me a promise ring and my mom thinks I'm trying to get him a promise ring), and my mother offered to pay me $40 to clean my grandmothers master bathroom and master bedroom. Needless to say I've spent all day cleaning her bathroom, save one nap for 2 hours, because the woman keeps countless things in her bathroom which have no place in being in there (i.e a toolbox). I am supposed to tackle her bedroom tomorrow, along with laundry, and studying for a Trigonometry test. We will see how the rest of the night goes, but today has been extremely uneventful except for pissing off my mom and grandma, but that happens nearly everyday considering I am a merciless smart-mouth and they have a low tolerance for people with quicker wit than they. I will probably write more later on tonight, but I just wanted to say, "Welcome." :)